


Too Full to Swallow My Pride

by JamesAeza



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Eating, Food, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Self Harm, Not Eating, Purging, Vomiting, ish, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:15:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25456837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamesAeza/pseuds/JamesAeza
Summary: For some reason, the voice in Roman's head does not want to let him eat.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Everyone
Comments: 13
Kudos: 73





	Too Full to Swallow My Pride

**Author's Note:**

> Vent fic because I have no idea what's happening to me and I'm genuinely so scared  
> Didn't tag ED because it's my self-insert and I don't actually have a real ED, I'm just kind of stupid sometimes  
> Title from 'Can't Stand Losing You' by The Police (throwback, I know)  
> Anyways ignore me and I hope you enjoy the fic!

“I’m not hungry.”

The words had almost lost their meaning by now, rolling off his tongue without a second thought. Whatever was being offered, he didn’t want it. 

Why he didn’t want it, he couldn’t have said. It didn’t really have to do with his figure, not anymore. He’d stopped caring about that too long ago. It could be that he simply liked the feeling of being hungry. Or that he just didn’t enjoy the process of eating. 

Whatever it was, something in his head told him no. The odd little voice did not want him to eat. 

He noticed Patton’s disappointed glance every time he refused something, Virgil’s suspicious looks when he did nothing but cut up his food and move it around on his plate. Logan had even lectured him a few times about the importance of eating healthy. But he just couldn’t bring himself to care. 

It had started on a Thursday morning, when Patton had dropped a plate of waffles in front of him, and there was something in his head screaming  _ no no no, you can’t eat that. _

_ Why not? _ Answering the voice in his head might not have been the best idea, but he didn’t understand. 

_ Because I said so. So just tell your dad here that you’re not feeling too hungry, and then everything will be alright. _

He’d obeyed, and it had only escalated from there. Patton had fussed over him the rest of the day, asking if he was feeling sick, taking his temperature, asking if there was anything special he could make to convince him to eat. 

It hadn’t taken long for them all to fall into an uncomfortable routine or Roman refusing offers of food and all the others subtly disapproving. 

Patton had tried cooking his favorite foods, cutting a sandwich into the shape of a castle, anything he could think of, but Roman just kept listening to the rude voice. He’d take one or two bites. Sometimes. Occasionally he’d eat one meal in a day, choking it down because he knew he needed to. 

On one random Tuesday, the voice had come up with a new request. Roman had, to everyone’s relief, eaten some broccoli and carrots on Patton’s request, and was sitting on the sofa bickering with Virgil about something or other. 

And the voice did not want to leave him alone. 

_ Throw it up.  _

_ Why? Everyone knows only sick people do that. _

_ It’s not like you have a real eating disorder, you eat normally some days. Even on your bad days you drink some milk or something. Just because you throw up sometimes doesn’t mean you’re bulimic or whatever.  _

So he’d listened. It was easier than trying to resist. 

He shoved his fingers down his throat, pulling them out once he felt his insides churning. Then he’d sat in sheer pain for a few seconds before his stomach turned upside down and released his lunch. 

He was dizzy and disoriented the rest of the day, but it was easy. That wasn’t the last time he obliged that urge. 

Some days he was normal, and the house relaxed, and other days he couldn’t even drink diet soda without needing to puke it up. 

Other days he exercised until he couldn’t feel his body anymore, and he loved it.

He didn’t address it with any of his friends, at first, and he thought they didn’t care. Until one day when he’d stumbled into the main room, pit in his stomach, and he’d found the other three sitting on the sofa and chairs. It looked like they were waiting for him. 

He put on a smile, ignoring the serious mood, and sat down, swinging his legs into Virgil’s lap (much to Virgil’s indignant spluttering.) 

Logan cleared his throat and began. “Roman, we have recently noticed several less-than-positive changes in your eating habits. We believe that if you could tell us why this is, perhaps we could help you.”

Roman froze, face turning pink. This was… definitely humiliating. He didn’t want to talk about this. He could deal with it himself. 

Virgil picked up the conversation. “Look at you, you’re getting too skinny. You’re a fully grown man and you’re eating like a six year old girl.” Roman looked down at himself, confused. He was anything but skinny. 

Then Patton, who was, naturally, tearful. “I just want you to be healthy and happy, kiddo.”

That made his chest drop with guilt. He’d made Patton cry, something he never wanted to do. 

Virgil reached over and squeezed his hand, calming him a little. “It’s really okay, we’re not mad, just… concerned.” Then he leaned over to his ear whispering, “And I haven’t told them this part, but don’t think I don’t know you’re purging.”

Roman felt his chest constrict with fear and guilt. This wasn’t what he wanted, it was just so hard. He was appalled with himself when he found himself leaning into Virgil and sobbing. Virgil, looking terrified, carefully rubbed his back. “Hey, no, don’t do that. We’re not mad, I promise.”

Roman just pulled him closer, refusing to accept the reassurance. Virgil just kept rubbing his back, looking over his shoulder at Patton for help. Patton smiled a little and made his way over, sitting next to the two and joining the hug. 

“It’ll be okay, it’ll be okay. We can help you.”

Roman wanted more than anything to believe him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed, please drop a comment if that's what you like, tell me if you liked it, or if you hated it


End file.
